Fifty Shades of Tea

I had a very moving experience while doing a typically English thing - drinking tea. It all happened when I was a little bit inebriated and needed a nice refreshing cuppa. Please don’t judge me on what happened next – we all give in to temptation sometimes.

50 Shades of Tea

Romanteac, liberateang, and toteally addicteave, this is a story that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you for ever.

I love making tea; the expectation and the excitement of what is to come. Nothing too much surprises me anymore but sometimes routine is as much fun as an adventure, far from the mundane that we are led to believe.

So here I am, standing in the kitchen, doing something typically English and oh-so familiar – boiling the kettle for a cuppa. And by cuppa, I mean English breakfast tea, served in a mug with a splash of milk.

The kettle is boiling and it’s all going swimmingly, until I notice it’s got slightly too much water in. I make the necessary calculations with ΔH_vap, UAΔT, etc but by the time I finish the sum and realise that I’m best off removing some of the water, thus allowing the kettle to boil faster, it’s already boiled and it is too late to change anything. It isn't all bad though as I have solved a Chem Eng puzzle in my head, keeping myself entertained while I wait, and now the boiling water is ready. Satisfied with my achievement, I pour the water gently onto the teabag and wait.

Moments earlier, I had poured a lovely glass of fresh, cool tap water, which is now sitting invitingly close to my cuppa. I firmly squeeze the tea bag, strengthening my brew, when a curious idea has the audacity to pop right into my head. It is such a blindingly obvious notion that I am unsure as to how I have never thought of this before, let alone performed it unconsciously from instinct. I spoon the teabag out of my hot tea and plop it into the glass of water.

As I do this, I hesitate; it’s a big decision. I pause, toil with the idea in my head, ask myself several questions. Why have I never done this before? Why has no-one ever told me I can do this? Is it some dirty secret that everyone keeps from each other? Is it dangerous?

My temperature is rising sharply with these dark thoughts but my mind keeps on racing. Should I be doing this? Who knows what will happen when I take a sip? Could I get hurt?

I start the adventure with what I am used to; the regular breakfast tea. I grab its big red spotty handle and am surprised by its warmth. As I grasp it firmly and draw it towards my mouth, the milky broth warms my hands, which runs up my arms, making me shiver at the pleasurable familiarity.

The first sip still surprises me. It’s nothing compared to the very first time and the excitement of the unknown, but I still take satisfaction from it. I gulp, I swallow, I gulp, I swallow. I gulp until my lips are red and sore. I swallow until my throat is soaking with fiery fluid. I gulp and swallow every last drip, and now I am ready for what is next.

I pick up the glistening glass, and with one look, I can tell it desires my lips. I go in quick, eager, like a teenage virgin, accidentally spilling some on my chest. I let the excitement take over me - I am experiencing, not thinking. It tastes sublime, everything I had hoped for, and I explode in an instant, quicker than expected.

My first experience...

This all happened a few days and I am a little embarrassed by my over-enthusiasm but I still look back on this experience with fondness. I am proud to have tried something so out-there, so unaccepted by common tea drinking folk. “A cool subtle charm, coupled with a refreshing quench” would be an appropriate tagline for this encounter. It was a contagious experience and I now wonder whether I will ever be able to stop myself from doing it again. I think everyone should try this and promote it, so please share this inspirational and downright dirtea idea.

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